"I recognized thriving where I thought I would feel only loss"

Annie in her pottery studio

I received a long text from Annie Lockee a few days after she came to Donovan prison with us. She speaks to the prison residents…

I sent a quick text to Mariette sharing that, though I had many feelings about my experience on Tuesday, I couldn't elaborate further because I needed to process. She then, in true Mariette fashion, responded by encouraging me to write a blog post! And gave me a deadline!… I said no. And guess who won? We both did.

She knew I needed to write about this.

The reason I didn’t have much to say at first wasn't due to lack of connection or feeling.  You all made an impact and when I write "you” I speak to each man individually and directly, realizing it might be demoralizing to be constantly lumped into a group, being an inmate.  We are human and want to shine as individuals, yet we rarely get a chance to, even out here in the free world. Much suffering comes from humans clawing their way to positions of power to feel recognition as individuals.

So, it was inspiring to see between all of you this warm dynamic, shared with true words and silent presence,  of a lifting up of individuals that coincided with the sacred nature of honoring the wholeness of the group.

Yes, the reason I didn't report much at first was because I had so many feelings and ideas and , at first, worries bubbling up, forcing me to think about what you might be feeling every day. And much of it was at odds with what I actually witnessed.

It was painful to imagine you feeling endlessly resigned and discouraged.  I thought about how demoralizing the truth of your situation might be when you look directly at vulnerable moments when the reality sneaks up on you. You are smart and have lots of time to think and this is hard.

But as I reflected I was also met with something else. Your individual spirits and your collective energy and how they weaved together is pure.

You are worthy of this hard work and there’s nothing more worthwhile than digging deep inside to uncover the truth in ourselves that makes us more connected.

The words I heard you speak aloud to each other were from an authentic place. Purposeful! Inspiring!

I recognized thriving where I thought I would feel only loss.

Where I thought there’d be discouraged men resigned to let life pass by, I saw boundless courage, men signing up to participate fully.

Thank you for the warm welcome and please keep up the heart-opening work.

I hope this extends inside those walls to reach more men as the tendrils and roots of this deep growth have already spread farther than you know!

I will do my part to share what I have learned from you. Our whole world is better for it.️ <3 <3 <3