A Lesson on Supporting Opposing Viewpoints

Paula Shaw started coming in weekly with our team recently and was hooked at her very first visit.

I never cease to be amazed at how well the prison residents treat each other and allow each resident to speak his truth without judgement or criticism. They give new meaning to the words supportive, encouraging and affirming. It’s just plain beautiful.

I remember the first time a discussion took a turn, with two differing opinions about the direction we should go as we develop the study guide to the Writing After Life book. Having facilitated a lot of therapy groups, l have seen people nearly come to physical blows over two differing strong opinions. I prepared myself to be ready to intervene if the discussion got too heated or emotional, but that preparation never needed to be implemented. What transpired awed and surprised me.

All of the residents sat quietly and attentively as the two men expressed their feelings about why they felt their direction was the better one. As each man spoke, the other listened without protest or interruption. Each one expressed his feelings calmly and articulately while the rest of the men listened in a measured, calm fashion. There were no hurt or irritated feelings expressed. They just listened to each other with respect. I have never seen anything like it in all of my years of doing therapy. And as if that wasn’t impressive enough, when we gathered for our Closing Circle they complemented each other for expressing their truths. And then the other residents acknowledged and affirmed both of them. It was the way you dream a processing group will behave but rarely, or never, does it happen that way.

They truly are some of the brightest, kindest, most compassionate, spiritual, supportive, sensitive people that I have ever known or observed, inside prison or outside in the world.

Although they live in circumstances that most of us would find unbearable, they take college courses, study the Bible, do emotional processing groups, write, meditate, pray, exercise and a plethora other activities, to better their lives and become positive role models to others. These men, many of whom are Lifers, still find things to learn, to be grateful for and to do to help themselves and others. In addition, they are the most amazingly positive, funny, delightful beings you would ever want to encounter. I am not kidding when I say that they make Tuesday my favorite day of the week.

The Donovan residents we work with are not typical of the prison population but they are living, shining examples of what is possible when we stop labeling and punishing people who have made bad choices; and instead offer them programs that really help them to rehabilitate, and find the true self that they were born to be, not the self that society, adversity and poor choices created.

Thank you, gentlemen, for what you teach me every week.