A circle to be heard, to learn and to receive – key to prison reform

Margit Boyesen came to Tuesdays at Donovan twice over a 6-week period. Outside of prison, she’s a elementary school teacher as well as the founder of the Beautiful We project, in which she featured Mariette a few weeks ago. You’ll enjoy her poetic descriptions of her experience inside.

Thanks Marco Savastano on Unsplash!

We all need a circle. A place to belong, to have a voice and to be heard. It’s increasingly difficult in our society to find a place where we’re a vital part of a small group, part of a circle to share what’s happening in our lives with a group of people who care about what we have to say. Truly care. I’ve had the privilege of sitting in such a circle as part of several spiritual retreats over the years. And now also at Donovan State Prison in San Diego.

Sitting in the circle inside Donovan was a profoundly moving experience for me. In the circle of 14 men and five volunteers on this particular Tuesday afternoon, there were a variety of ages, races and demeanors. A few of the men in the circle could have been on the cover of GQ—such handsome faces and hair more carefully styled than mine will ever be. Others spoke so eloquently and with such passion, that within their words I forgot I was in prison in a circle of inmates.  That is, until my eyes wandered back to the word ‘prisoner’ printed down their dark blue pant legs. The man who’d maybe lived the most years in the group spoke words that rang so true, not just in this circle, but on the outside as well: Everybody wants to be seen and understood. It rings true in my classroom, amongst staff and neighbors, and in my family.

And it’s what Brilliance Inside brings to the circle; a chance for each person who chooses to participate to have a place to be seen, heard and come to terms with his or her humanity. One of the men in the circle with a particularly calm and gracious demeanor shared that the health issue he’s been facing, which almost claimed his life, was actually a ‘blessing in disguise.’ In the world outside, it seems only the most evolved people—health gurus and spiritual leaders—speak of personal travesty as a blessing. It takes deep introspection and self-reflection to see a life-threatening condition as a blessing. Yet, in this space, this man in this circle shares his insight, his personal growth and why this transformation is so important to him. Another man, one of the younger ones, addressed the group by saying, “This circle cultivates an environment a safe space, where I can receive.” When was the last time you truly received from someone who held space for your personal development? I think we all want a sacred circle, a safe space, to be heard, to learn and to receive. The same inmate that had shared about his health issue also shared that he tries to give everyone the type of respect that he wants to receive from others. Then one of the more senior members of the group shared yet another pearl of wisdom: “I wish I’d listened more to old people when I was younger.” Our elders do hold power in their wisdom, a truth that—if held with higher esteem and given more time and attention—would help society tremendously.

For all of us, when we become disconnected from each other, from the seemingly separate parts of society, it’s so much easier to lash out, to blame, to commit perpetrations against each other than when we are seen, loved and accepted. And we’ve all—all of us, you and I— committed murder in our lives. We’ve all lashed out with murderous words, hateful actions, and intentions that could kill. I think it’s time for us to see the men in this circle, and in prisons, not as “those people,” but as a reflection of ourselves. All of us have been out of control at some point in our lives in one way or another because we were hurting inside. The bully in the school yard who isn’t seen, understood or given attention at home. The angry husband who yells and hits his wife and children because he wasn’t taught the skill of honoring his own feelings as a child. The recluse who uses illegal internet chatrooms as a desperate way to feel connected because he’s isolated physically and emotionally. But in this circle, inside Donovan, the men who choose to participate are provided with tools for love and healing and rehabilitation; and when they are done, they are a completely different person than when they started. A person who can go forward—on the inside or outside—and pass along healing, can show others that there is a different way. Our prison systems are in dire need of reform and what I saw and heard on that particular Tuesday afternoon, without a doubt, needs to be part of the reform.

But don’t take my word for it; go sit, listen, and feel the power of the circle for yourself.