After reviewing 33 speaker/performer applications, the TEDx Core Team selected 21 men in blue to interview. Yesterday, half of these men each got three minutes to share their “idea worth spreading” and their motivation to share that idea with the world. One man, with a triple life sentence, spoke eloquently and compassionately about the urgent need in today’s world to overcome stereotypes and to open ourselves up by speaking to those we consider “other.” Another said “prison is not just punishment; it can provide purpose.” (Yeah, seriously!) Another spoke with vulnerability about his choices in his life, leading to “believe in yourself” and how that enabled him to become the person who finds complete satisfaction in serving others. Another broke into spoken word with grace and poetry, taking us on a colorful ride through prison and beyond.

And every step of the way, we continue to be mesmerized by the true human beings sitting with us. Yesterday was Dita’s first time in prison. She had told me that she was not sure how she was going to respond to that environment. She was thrown deeply and instantly into our little TEDx world. I gave her the same voting sheet we all used to shortlist the speakers and performers, and we were off. Regularly, I would glance over to her and watch her transformation as she discovered the treasures that exist behind prison walls. By the end of our three hours with the men, Dita was hooked. She asked to come back every day of the week and already considers herself a key member of the coordinating team. 🙂

For others who wish to support this activity, from both the inside and outside, let’s chat.

A couple weeks ago, one of the members of the TEDx Core Team at Donovan prison was sent to Ad Seg, or the hole. Doh! It saddens me as TEDx is intended to be a reward for good behavior. The hope is that the men commit themselves to making the choices that keep them on the “right road” and no longer flirt with the rules. Despite his dynamic positivity and strong leadership on our team, this guy made one or more bad choices that sent him to Ad Seg. So, how does this impact his participation in TEDx when he gets out? It feels easy to say that he did not exhibit positive behavior and, therefore, he’s off the team; he lost his privilege. Yet, if the intent is to support these men’s growth, the answer is not that simple.

Many men at Donovan exemplify the journey from dark to light, from black to white. The black is their traumatic childhoods and violent pasts leading them to prison. The white is a healthy, balanced, compassionate and productive life. Between black and white, there is grey. And grey is made up of black and white. So, the men’s journeys start with a lot of black and moments of white. As they move closer to the light, the journeys become increasingly white with moments of black.

The driving motivation for this shift from black to white is always a purpose greater than self: kids, family’s love, God, knowledge, TEDx… What it is is irrelevant as long as it provides the motivation to make the right decisions, especially when confronted with tough choices.

So, removing a person’s motivation, a person’s purpose, may backfire on their journey towards white. It may actually support a man’s fall back into their destructive ways.

I intend that TEDx becomes valuable enough in the men’s lives that it motivates them to make the “right road” choices, that TEDx has the potential to become that motivating purpose. I also intend to have the compassion to understand that, even when we are deeply committed, ALL of us have our moments of black.

Not always an easy line to dance…

The first TEDxDonovanCorrectional will explore what is “Beyond the Surface.” This multifaceted theme won the vote of Yard A residents, based on a shortlist crafted by the 11-men Core Team. This yard engagement is fun to create and actually also highly innovative as most TEDx events in prison are created top-down with little to no inmate participation. We’re taking the exact opposite approach: the only event details the men in blue will not execute are the ones they cannot. And we’re engaging all individuals on the yard as often as we can create the opportunity. For that matter, we are likely the first prison TEDx to have the theme decided by a prison-wide vote.

And it’s an honor to hold space for the men to craft this event to their vision and dream. Mark and I continue to find our jaws on the floor in response to the creativity and wisdom of these men. Two weeks ago, unsure if the men had grasped the challenge of theme articulation, we had prepared a few ideas of our own. Just in case. Oh, us of little faith! They hit the theme idea brainstorming, the shortlisting process and the voting process out of the park.

Never underestimate the power of a human being when given the opportunity to step into his or her brilliance.

This has been my deepest learning of my prison experiences. Our quick judgments limit the playing field we provide to ourselves and to others. How can this hodgepodge of tattooed men with mediocre education, really messed up childhoods and in prison for decades (and some who will never see the streets again) pull off the logistics and creative complexities of a TEDx? Simply because we trust that they can. We see their humanness and connect to that essence which lives in each of us. We see this potential in them. We hold space for them to see it too. And we remember Joss Whedon’s “Recognizing power in another does not diminish your own.”

(…Quite the contrary…)

revisionist-destiny

I’m not sure what words come remotely close to the power of authentic vulnerability, the awesomeness of compassionate community and the awe-inspiring depth of yesterday’s 5th annual TEDxMarionCorrectional, near Columbus, Ohio.

Mark – who’s attended over 50 TED and TEDx events – placed yesterday’s event among the top 5 he’s ever attended!!!!  You guys are going to think we’re biased and exaggerating.  Well, wait until you attend TEDxDonovanCorrectional to realize that these are actually understatements!

Marion was the first prison to hold a TEDx five years ago and the Marion residents (as they are known) have kept the momentum going, putting on a total of 11 TED events within their walls.  And they are serious PROS!!!!!

Here’s my attempt at placing words on this six-hour event.  The talks were passionate and raw, sharing so matter-of-factly traumatic and transformative life events.  Each speaker took us a ride, punctuated with humor and horror, to share the most intimate details of their lives.  At times with our jaws on the floor and others with tears in our eyes, we received these speakers’ hearts shared with intimacy and power.

One speaker spoke about finally finding his voice after having been silenced at the ripe age of six by an intruder into his home who hushed his brother and him as he headed upstairs to their mother’s bedroom.  (Fill in the details – until the talks are online)  Another shared her journey through molestation and rape to find her self in breath and yoga.  An incarcerated man heard his mother’s story for the first time, discovering the woman behind his mother. One speaker offered learnings from his family’s journey to overcome his daughter’s debilitating lupus.  As another man shared what his mother told him one night, the entire audience gasped in horror – a very rare occurrence, as certified by our TED event junkie, Mark.  Several residents shared poetry, including one man who’s written over 24,000 poems!  Another speaker inspired us with his fried chicken restaurant in Columbus providing “fair-chance employment to people with an ‘alternative resume’”. Love that expression!  😉

I asked one speaker how it felt to be so vulnerable on stage. “It felt like I was being who I was meant to be.” Success!!!!!

The 2.5 hours of talks had already transformed all of us and the day was barely half through! We shared conversation and dinner, in tight pods of four, with the Marion residents. In my pod, we spoke about how we’ve each revisioned our lives and our respective turning points on that journey. We learned of the residents’ talents, which they discovered for the most part in prison; they had never received the necessary pre-prison support to uncover their talents and gifts. I spoke to a graphic designer, a playwright who directed over 40 plays at Marion, a crafty business entrepreneur, a rapper, etc. The men were super excited of the fried chicken dinner, their first meal catered from the outside since last year’s TEDx event. All of us loved hearing stories and discovering each other’s humanness. It’s the greatest magic of this event: we entered as strangers – and, for some, with some apprehension of being in prison – and left as friends, having connected to that part in others which is a reflection of our own self.

…

More reflections from the event to come…

It’s official! We’ve launched the organizational Core Team for TEDxDonovanCorrectional! Yes, we’re putting on a TEDx event behind prison bars in 2017. And today was our first meeting with the Core Team of inmates who will be visioning, designing, planning, implementing and running the first ever TEDxDonovanCorrectional.

What humbles me is that, other than the fact that these men were all wearing blue, you would have believed we were in a team of fellow college-graduated business leaders. They are curious beyond any expectation. They explored ideas for themes and articulated with depth and intellect the power and breath behind their brainstormed themes. They immediately invited others’ probing into their ideas, during which we peeled away the layers of their great ideas to uncover the brilliance.

These men exhibit a curiosity that is comparable to my Ivy League classmates and top business colleagues. They spoke about peace on earth, deep ocean exploration, the Amazon River dolphin, Charlie Chaplin’s Great Dictator speech and the Higgs boson. I mean, seriously, how many people on the outside can speak intelligently and accurately about the Higgs boson?

Plus, these men express a courtesy that is often forgotten in our boardrooms. The men listened with intent, expanded on each other’s ideas, created a healthy conversation that built on all thoughts. We came out of the meeting this afternoon reflecting that many of our companies’ staff meetings do not exhibit the same respect and appreciation.

Finally, interesting ironies surfaced. For example, they touched upon the radical racial segregation pervasive in prison, the challenges of crossing racial lines on the yard. They did not seem to notice the irony of expressing these thoughts as they fist-pumped and sat shoulder to shoulder in a circle representing most tones of the human rainbow.

Day One of TEDxDonovanCorrectional organization is a success! We left Donovan excited for the upcoming weeks as the men step into crafting their TEDx event.

This morning, I was on yet another flight. We were in our final approach, landing in rain and fog, only a few hundred feet from touching down, when suddenly gravity nailed me to my seat. We were unexpectedly speeding up and gaining altitude. Wrong direction, people! As I saw the runway distance itself, many people groaned. We were already 45 minutes late due to the crummy weather and many people were stressing about their connections. There were 50 people trying to make international connections alone, including my two neighbors. “Dude, we’re going to miss our flight! What is the deal here!!!!” As the passengers huffed and puffed and groaned our way through the next seven or so minutes, I started thinking: We have no idea what we were spared. All we’re seeing is that we’re late and risk missing connections. We’re stuck in this story of being victims of this situation. And yet, maybe, just maybe, this may be the much better outcome. OK, maybe the pilot’s a rookie and his inexperience is costing us additional 25 minutes delay. And maybe, there was a plane on the runway that the pilot saw at the last minute through the fog. Let’s be honest, I prefer an additional 25-minute delay – and even a missed connection – than landing on top of another plane and dying in a pile of twisted explosive metal. 😉

How many times in our lives do we label an event as “bad” and later find out it was “for the better”? We can get all worked up about a “failed” presentation, an “idiotically slow” cashier, heck even a “terrifying” president-elect. And the fact is that, most of the time, we have no idea what “bad” we were spared and what “good” may come of it.

As my neighbors and I discussed this, the pilot came onto the PA system: “Apologies for that aborted landing. There was a plane crossing our runway.” Wow!!!!! Yes, pile of twisted metal averted. Thank you Mr. Pilot for your sight and quick reflects.

So, this time, we did find out that our aborted landing spared us a possibly catastrophic situation. It becomes easier to entertain the thought that, among the many times “bad” things happen, I may well have been spared something worse. Living from that reality feels a lot more peaceful and pleasurable. Plus, it invites me to explore what good is coming out of any experience.

The next time, I get all huffy and puffy about an impatient driver, an unexpected circumstance or any negative outcome, I’ll simply visualize a pile of twisted metal on the runway. I may never find out what I was spared, but I can trust I averted something.