As the previous post mentioned, as our Alpha yard team planned their “Walk & Roll” Ukraine support event held of November 29th, it was essential that the yard’s support extend beyond financial, to include emotional and psychological support through letters for the people of Ukraine (of which you can read a few in the gallery below).

In our first conversations, it became apparent that several of them had a level of relatability with the plight of the people of Ukraine that we non-prison-folks can forget.  A good number of prison residents grew up and lived in drug- and gang-infested areas – which can resemble war zones.  They’ve seen their brothers shot and killed and heard their moms raped; they’ve had guns pointed at them and dodged bullets; guns have been placed in their hands as early at 6 years old.

So, they are able to understand and empathize with the people of Ukraine in a way that, arguably, most other Americans – other than military – cannot.  Yes, these are times when their daily burden of pain received and pain caused becomes a powerful source of inspiration for others.

There’s something magical in writing a letter to an unknown person, placing love and prayers into the act and the words.  (Try it and see for yourself…)

And there’s also something magical in the incredible network of connection between these prison writers and their ultimate Ukrainian readers.  Think about it:  the writer-to-reader journey of these letters is: the prison residents — our team for review of content — Donovan’s Public Information Officer — me, Mariette, coordinating the event and letter operation — the folks at the House of Ukraine (in Balboa Park) who agreed to manage the Ukrainian logistics — their volunteers to translate each of the 150 letters — the House of Ukraine staff for sorting and packaging the letters, accompanied by a cover letter describing the project — people flying to Ukraine — distribution to the people of Ukraine.

The fulfillment of this journey requires each person along the way to hold in sacredness and respect the love poured into the letters and the hearts this love is hoping to fill.

We are all connected.  Even across the world.  Even to folks we do not know and will never meet.

…And yet, our love and care reach them.  That’s magical.

Perseverance = quality most demonstrated by the Alpha yard team over the past year (in Mariette’s dictionary of terms)

When Donovan reopened last March, the Alpha yard folks returned to our circle with a new project idea: a support event for the people of Ukraine.  The war had been declared about a month earlier and it was all over the news.

Then… the event, originally planned for the end of May, was rescheduled to early August, then to October, then to November 29th.  The repeated disappointment and frustration of the team were palpable.  As the cancelations and postponements accumulated, the team took a step back to ask themselves if these meant that this event was not meant to happen.

Every time, they confirmed that they were committed to this event.  “The yard wants this.  We want this.  The people of Ukraine deserve this.”  This commitment was not coming from a place of force: striving to make it happen, attached to their original idea.  It was in alignment, with clarity found in reflection.

That clarity, alignment and perseverance bore fruit on November 29th when the team held their “Walk & Roll” Ukraine support event.  First, the event participants walked or rolled (there are many wheelchair-bound folks on Alpha) around the yard, encouraged by the band, granola bars, cookies and lemonade.  They had created support signs, saying things like “You are not alone” and “We stand with you” in Ukrainian.

The participants also raised $1000 for three selected nonprofit organizations that support the Ukrainian people on the ground!!  To put this amount into perspective, prison residents earn between $0.08 and $0.37 per hour.  Therefore, with an average pay of 16 cents/hour, their $1000 donation is three years of worth of salary!

For the team, it was essential that the yard’s support extend beyond financial, to include emotional and psychological support through letters for the Ukraine people.  It was an amazing sight: at any given time, three to five people were on their knees at the letter-writing table – or leaning over it – to write heart-felt letters to people we don’t know on the other side of the world.  Some letters were shorter; some more detailed about the writers’ own experience of overcoming.  Some in an English that is mainly phonetic; some in eloquent prose.  Some writers copied the phrased in Ukrainian the team had prepared.  All of the 150 letters contained an outpouring of love.

Now, the donations have headed to the respective nonprofits.  The letters are on their way to Ukraine.  We’ve received the pictures of the event to share.

Even as the prison gates have opened, we’ve continued our Covid-forced correspondence program between the Donovan residents and outside volunteers.  It serves the folks inside, particularly those for whom writing is easier than speaking.  It serves the volunteers responding to these letters who, for many, cannot come inside Donovan.

The other day, we received a resident’s letter.  In the bottom right corner of the large manilla enveloped were written three simple words: “Handle with care”.

Many packages carry these three words, written to ensure the contents aren’t torn, crumpled, bent or broken in any way.

I felt these three words went deeper than simply caring for the pieces of paper in the envelope.  The pages of this letter were covered with words, which communicated this person’s experiences, perceptions, interpretations, emotions, thoughts, ideas, insights and beliefs.  Can we “handle with care” these? 

It's deeper still.  These thoughts, perceptions and beliefs reveal this writer’s identity, his values, his spirit, the essence of his being – yes, his courageous journey into his brilliance.  Can we “handle with care” this depth?

Unfortunately, in their childhood and prison environments, these are most often not “handled with care.”  Their persons are dehumanized; their belongings are trampled on and broken; their emotions are shamed; their thoughts and ideas are condemned and demeaned.

(And look where that led them…)

In our exchanges with the Donovan folks, we do our best to “handle with care” each person, each moment, each interaction, each expression, each emotion…

• We hold the letters’ pages like a delicate flower blooming.

• We read its content with openness and nonjudgment.

• We hold what the words contain with reverence and respect.

• We receive the insights with celebration.

• We acknowledge that any anger or resentment is actually past hurt being retriggered.

• We remain curious and open to ideas with which we don’t agree.

• We feel the power of this person’s realness and authenticity as he reveals his innermost thoughts and perceptions.

• We reply with sacredness for the whole of their being: the light and the dark, the growth and the stagnation, the awareness and the blindness...

Like every month, I invite you to explore for yourself:

• What do you “handle with care”?

• Where can you invite yourself into deeper care of your own inner realities and person? Of others’ inner realities and persons?

It’s challenging enough to hold our kids’ and loved ones’ words with openness and nonjudgment, to honor the sacredness of their spirit.  Now, how about doing it for your colleagues?  Holding their ideas and suggestions with the same sacredness, as these are the external expressions of their brilliance and essence. And now, how about for the person who wronged you?

Oh, the journey of growth available to each of us… “Handle with care” all of yourself as you move through this journey. 

Last Tuesday, as one resident left our group early to head to his college statistics class:

The resident: “Drive safely.”

Me: “Thanks.  You walk safely.”

Another resident: “Yeah, because it’s full of criminals out there.”

 Hahaha!  What a reminder.  These prison residents indeed live surrounded by criminals.

This reality can be easy to forget when we have the conversations and explorations like the ones that fill our circles.

For example, earlier, a resident explained that, to remain safe as a young boy, he lived by the belief that “The more people like me, the less they’ll hurt me.”

Among other questions, we asked:  Which “me”? Who’s the “me” that people are to like?

We often use “me” thinking we know exactly whom we’re speaking about.  But do we really?

So, we explored who “me” is and found:

• The various “me”’s as perceived by others – Others see us with certain characteristics, influenced not just by what we project but also by their own filters

• The various “me”’s that we project – So many of us showcase a different persona in a management presentation, with our kids, at the local bar, at a networking event…

• The various “me”’s we hold as our identity – We may see ourselves as a gentle mother, a badass boss, a decent surfer, and also a sexual abuse survivor

In addition to moving instantaneously between “me”’s, most of us are not even aware of the “me” we are being at any given time. Plus, all these “me”’s shift and change with time, experiences, wounds and growth. 

So … who’s “me”?

There is one “me” that’s the “me” of all “me”’s.  And that’s our brilliance, the complete, whole, immutable “me” that is our essence, our spirit, our higher self, our light, who God perfectly made us to be, whom we were always meant to be.

While the other “me”’s are dependent on our circumstances and react to our environment, our brilliance never is and never does.  We shine our brilliance when we allow the other “me”’s to take a backseat to our brilliance’s inspiration and direction.  In this brilliance, we are authenticity, clarity, peace, joy, love and power.

And from here, you – as always – have a choice: (1) to allow the various “me”’s to rule your thoughts, words and actions or (2) to thank these various “me”’s for their service and place them under the leadership and guidance of your brilliance.

Last Tuesday at Donovan, sitting in one of our circles, I notice Richard having disconnected from the conversation and staring to a spot behind me.  His presence comes back into the circle and then, soon, he’s staring again, until he interrupts the circle conversation to ask, “What do you see in that painting?”  And that’s when I notice a Jackson Pollock-like splatter painting hanging behind me.

The rest of us look at it blankly.  To break the long silence, Richard says “I see a playground overgrown with weeds.”  Even as he shares this, the painting remains a bunch of splatters to the rest of us, despite a concerted effort to see in these splatters what Richard was seeing.  After some laughs about the painting, Richard and the rest of us, we go back to our previous conversation.

While he clearly wishes to remain present to the conversation, Richard cannot disconnect from the painting.  Ten minutes after the first interruption, Richard interrupts again to say, “Are you sure you guys do not see a playground overrun by weeds?  That’s all I can see.”

Isn’t that exactly how perception works?

To Richard, the painting was clearly a playground overrun with weeds.  No questions asked.  And it seemed insane to him that the rest of us simply couldn’t see it.  How often do we hold our perceptions as hard truths expecting that everyone see like us?

When Richard shared his perception, the rest of us paused our conversation, looked in the direction he was looking and did our best to see what he was seeing.  How often do we create the open and curious space to whole-heartedly receive the thoughts, perceptions, ideas, values and beliefs of another, especially when we simply cannot see what they’re seeing?

Once Richard had spotted his playground overrun with weeds, he cannot shake it.  And, once shown the contours of his playground, I start to see it too.  I now could see (1) the splatter I first saw, (2) the intricate highway interchange I somewhat saw when probed and (3) Richard’s playground.  How often are we able to see that one idea can be different things for different people and to hold as valid ideas which seem opposite or contradictory?

This is an inconsequential moment around a splatter painting on the wall of our meeting room. And yet, when it comes to more consequential things – like the hot-button topics of the moment: politics, abortion, mass shootings, etc. – are you able to create and hold an open and curious space for seemingly contradictory ideas and see the beliefs of another just as valid as your own?

(Painting is Jackson Pollock's Convergence, 1952)

“We don't rise to the level of our expectations; we fall to the level of our training.” Archilochus

(and apparently “famously said” by Bruce Lee at some point)

A volunteer wrote this quote to “Ricardo” in response to a story he had shared with us that beautifully illustrated this point.  All of us want to be brilliant, whole, loving and powerful.  And… we don’t know what we’re truly made of until we face a testing challenge.

In a recent packet, Ricardo spoke of his move to a new yard where he was confronted with a prison population with which he had not been in contact for well over a decade.  Ricardo is known by most – if not all – who know him as being gentle, wise and with very high integrity.   Many people across the Donovan yards credit him for saving their lives and being the example they can always look towards for inspiration.

Shortly after his move, members of this prison population tested and threatened Ricardo “to the point of reviving my old self…with only seconds to prove or show what I’m made of.  A part of my old self quickly wanted to rise up, but the Spirit of God was louder and at that moment gave me the words to speak. … They threatened to keep an eye on me (praise God ;-) ) and told me to watch myself.  The beauty about their threat is that it was an opportunity to preach the Gospel without words.”

Ricardo continues, “I remember that such an encounter in the past would have caused me to be quick to defend myself ‘at all costs’ and defend my ‘jail-house’ honor so no one else would dare challenge me afterwards.  However, I knew the old me was long gone and buried when I didn’t feel the need to defend myself, nor did it matter what they thought of me for turning down their challenge.  That’s how God shows me I’m not the old [Ricardo].”

What is your level of expectation?  What is your level of training?  Every time we become slower to anger and more trusting of our brilliance, we’re in training.  The training can be arduous.  And yet, we reap the rewards when the element of surprise tests us and we realize we’ve just been less reactive, less conflictual, more attentive, more in our brilliance!  The ensuing peace and joy are simply priceless.

Enjoy your own daily training.  Allow Ricardo’s journey from gangbanger to gentle wisdom be the inspiration that this transformation is possible for each and every single one of us.

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn." – Helen Keller

"There are always flowers for those who want to see them." – Henry Matisse

This month, Patrick takes to the stage!  He is one of the 13 volunteers who have been corresponding with the Donovan residents monthly since covid shut us out of the prison walls.  In addition to writing to the residents, this month, he also takes a moment to share the experience with you!  Onto Patrick!

I LOVE telling people – friends, family and strangers alike – about my experience inside a maximum-security prison with its residents.  When I share the beauty of the residents, their crazy inner strength, their artistic talent, their creative energy, their deep intelligence, with the passion of deep truth, I watch in real-time as stereotypes are confronted and cracked. I am consistently inspired by these men, their talent and their spirit.  With the onset of the pandemic, I deeply missed my visits to Donovan and the injection of positive energy I get with each visit.

I was excited at the opportunity to continue a relationship with the residents through a monthly writing program.  In the absence of the ability to go inside, this seemed like a great way to provide and receive at least some level of that positive energy the Brilliance Inside programs provide to participants.  To treat the end of the road as a turn, as Helen Keller famously said.

And what an awesome, fulfilling experience the writing program has been!  The brilliance of the residents shines just as brightly in writing as it does in person.  There is an intimacy to writing that enables a vulnerability and depth of conversation that are challenging in a group setting.  They write clever autobiographical stories, witty poems, vulnerable personal truths, self-aware reflections – the personal strength and creativity jump off the page.

The bravery of the residents inspires me to share with a vulnerability and truth that is rare in my every-day life, and this has had a profound impact on my mental health during Covid.  In the early months of Covid, I found myself in a haze of mild depression as, like many, I felt isolated and overwhelmed by negative news.  Sharing my challenges with the residents, while also actively listening to their challenges, bravery and creativity, filled me with a deep sense of gratitude that helped lift my spirit and fight the depressive episode.

As the world reopens, I am excited to go back inside, to share and listen with the residents in the way only face-to-face communication enables.  And I also am deeply grateful for this flower we found during the pandemic, as a way to nourish both the residents and ourselves.

Hoping these words share a little of the brilliance we receive and give each month through the packets we send in and out.