Be treated with respect (psst, it's about agreements)
Yesterday, you learned to set, agree upon and commit to agreements. Today, we discuss honoring and maintaining those agreements, holding yourselves accountable to them. By doing so, you treat yourself with the respect you deserve and ensure others do so as well. And this creates a space that's more peaceful, more creative, more innovative and more productive.
Here again, I turn to the prison residents for inspiration. In our spaces, we set and live up to a very high bar of agreements and commitments, such as
We speak only from a place of dignity and respect
We listen to everyone, without interruptions (difficult in prison!)
We build on each other’s ideas, leveraging the improv concept of “yes, and”
We have zero tolerance for blaming, condemning and shaming
These seem obvious on paper. But try putting them into practice. Particularly when it’s among a group of dudes who have responded to most events by pulling out a gun.
In our spaces, when someone breaks an agreement in our spaces, we respond instantly. We pause our activity to create the space for conversation. What happens next varies on the situation. In one way or another, we often create space for the person who broke the agreement to explain if he or she finds it necessary. Instead of blaming, condemning, questioning or rebutting, we listen.
When a person feels truly heard, they talk themselves into the realization of how they might have hurt someone else or themselves.
This conversation is often quick and ends with a recognition of the hurt created and even an apology. Which is huge when most folks have lived most of their lives with an attitude of “I’m right; you’re wrong.”
Within a few short weeks - knowing that we’re only together 3 hours/week - the prison residents themselves uphold and maintain the agreements, are holding each other accountable, creating the said time out and holding the space for conversation. They do so because they’ve tasted at the sense of power, creativity, innovation, collaboration and sense of team that is created.
It takes courage and humility. And maybe some trial and error.
As you hold yourself and others accountable to the agreements, you receive the respect and dignity that you deserve. That’s the point. You deserve to be treated with the dignity and respect you wish for. This comes because you hold yourself and others accountable
Invitation: Treat yourself with the respect you deserve by holding yourself and others around you accountable to the agreements you set with yesterday’s lesson. You’ll also discover the camaraderie, peacefulness, creativity and productivity this produces.
This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.