Recognize your default
When things are tough, what do you turn to?
When things are good, what do you turn to?
When you need a break from your current life, what do you turn to?
What you turn to is your default. And it matters because our default often governs much of our overall wellbeing.
For prison residents, defaults are often alcohol, drugs and violence.
When things are tough, they drink away problems
When things are good, they celebrate with drinks
When they need a break from life, they grab a drink
Negative defaults can also be need for control, food, work…
When things are tough —> “I have to work harder to get out of this slump”
When things are good —> “I have to work harder to ride this great wave we’re on”
When they need a break from life —> “I have to reply to clients’ emails”
We have countless stories of prison residents recognizing their defaults and moving to more constructive defaults. Arguably, anyone we have the pleasure of engaging is in the process of shifting his or her default. One resident has a lifestyle of alcohol, drugs, women and partying as well as the criminal behaviors which supported this lifestyle. His default was his self and his hedonic needs.
One day, he realized this default was no longer serving him and he shifted it (almost overnight, might I add) towards service to others. Every time he felt the urge to fall back to his old default, he would catch himself and redirect this to his new behavior until it became his default.
When things are tough, he has compassion for others
When things are good, he celebrates by sharing the goodness with others
When he needs a break from life, he takes the focus away from himself by turning it to others.
Many prison residents credit the mentorship of this man for transforming and even saving their lives. This change was possible because he shifted his default.
Yes, when our defaults become more positive, the rest of our lives follows suit and becomes more positive as well.
Invitation: Recognize your default. Ask yourself how well it serves you. If another default would serve you better, what is one step you can take today towards this new default?
This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.