Walk your talk

When we come together with a new team of prison residents, we set agreements defining the space we wish to hold as well as our behaviors for ourselves, individually and collectively. Within the first few weeks of meeting as a team (three hours a week), the prison residents test our - the outside volunteers’ - own commitment to these agreements. (Just like we’re tested by our kids, our spouses, our colleagues…)

They want to see if we’re walking our talk. Because each of us in the Circle made an individual commitment to live by the collectively-defined agreements.

Within three or so short weeks, they realize that we are committed to these agreements and are doing our best to live into our agreements. This gives them permission to start shifting their behaviors. With an additional two to three weeks, we have completely different team dynamics.

As we walk our talk, we receive two gifts.

First, it creates a safer space. As we walk our talk, it reinforces the boundaries we’ve articulated and agreed up. This lack of misalignment between our thoughts, words and actions removes any ambiguity in the boundaries. And this creates safety.

This matters because safety is fundamental if you wish for your household, your team or any other group to be creative and innovative (which this time definitely needs). Safety is also fundamental to creating a space in which people can change and adapt (which we need in this time). Therefore, walking our talk is so important in this season of confinement.

Second, when I walk my talk and talk my walk, it invites me to continuously bring my thoughts, words and actions into greater alignment. Since we’re human beings, our thoughts, words and actions are constantly aligned. And that’s OK. Now that we have a safe space, our household or team can come together and support each other in realigning everyone’s respective thoughts, words and actions.

This mutual support and mirroring of our words and actions only works when done within a safe space, with dignity, respect and love instead of any blame or condemnation.

As I get mirrored back the places and times I’m not in full alignment, it enhances my integrity. And the huge power of that is when I live more deeply in integrity, relationships become more peaceful and productive. Because I and others are really clear about where I stand and how I wish to move through the world. When I know this about myself and everyone else around me, it makes dynamics, interactions, conversations and relationships easy.

Invitation: Walk your talk to enable a deeper alignment between your thoughts, words and actions. After experimenting with yourself, invite groups in which you’re involved into this experimentation. You will love what you experience when you have that deeper alignment between your thoughts, words and actions!

This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.