Create win/wins as economy opens up

As the world starts opening back up, it creates yet again new circumstances that continue to fluctuate and be quite uncertain. This fluctuating environment means our needs, desires and boundaries fluctuate too.

And, when we engage with other people, we’re confronted with their needs, desires and boundaries. In these confrontations, the best outcomes come when I respect my own boundaries while I respect others’ as well.

Thanks Cynthia for your compassionate teaching of Conflict Resolution

This is beautifully depicted in a graphic used by Cynthia in our Conflict Resolution program. On it, you’ll find that the

• Turtle avoids conflict and tension and hereby creates lose/lose situations

• Accommodating teddy bear is trampled on, creating a lose/win

• Competitive shark grabs all for him or herself, leaving nothing for others

It’s the other two animals who are interesting today.

So often, we believe that the resolution to conflicting needs is to be the compromising fox who gives away some of things that matter to it to to keep some for itself. Any yet, this leads to a suboptimal outcome. You’ll notice that on the graphic the fox is NOT at 100% of one’s needs or 100% of another’s.

So, can we be the wise owl in these confronting situations?

Can we approach a situation knowing and trusting that there is an outcome that maximizes my desires and maximizes another’s desires? This usually creates a higher common ground that is way more power than either person had initially imagined.

As I’m currently moving in with my boyfriend, I have a number of examples from the past few days. We're currently taking two different spaces and creating one. And each of us has very different ways of filling and using our spaces. So, we start the process by each taking the time to recognize and articulate what most matters to us and what we want to see in a space. From here, we explore ways to mesh these two different ideas and visions. In several situations, the resulting space may look very different than what we had initially imagined; it’s also much cooler and more representative of who we are, individually and together.

This usually requires holding tension between different ideas because the optimal outcome doesn’t usually pop in immediately. But if you’re able to hold that tension as you figure out how your ideas can coexist, how to move all the pieces to make them fit together, you might come out with something way more magical than you had imagined.

Enjoy. Have fun. Experiment. And always remember to be compassionate with yourself and everyone around you, especially as we work through these constantly changing times.

Invitation: Have the courage to respect your boundaries while you respect the boundaries of others. You will find outcomes that are more powerful than you had originally anticipated.

This is part of a series. I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. In April, I provided a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Since then, these lessons have been weekly. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.