Shattered lens

This month, Will Jordan reflects on a powerful perspective shift that took place during his first visit to Donovan just a few weeks ago. Enjoy his journey to this insight.

When my roommate, Mark, arrived home from his time in Donovan, his physical and mental state said it all – he had undergone a profound experience. Listening to him share, Mark’s encounter was nothing short of a true culture shock. I had recently just returned from a six-month road trip in Central America, during which I had been searching for culture shock and, to some degree, I found it – but not to the extent that Mark seemingly had found it at Donovan. I craved that profound experience for myself.

Later, with my own clearance approved, I arrived at Donovan with Mark and Mariette. Despite knowing that an impactful experience awaited me, the imposing high-security measures overwhelmed my senses. Prison was no longer an abstract concept but a palpable reality. As the Corrections Officer nonchalantly opened the gate and ushered us onto A-yard, I couldn't help but feel a jolt of shock. I suddenly realized that we were expected to walk onto the yard unaccompanied. Questions raced through my mind as I tried to maintain a facade of composure as we came face-to-face with the inmates.

As we entered the building where our group would take place, the sight of cages, clearly designed to restrain humans, sent a shiver down my spine. I couldn’t help but think: “I am surrounded by individuals that require cages. What am I doing here?” 

In our meeting room, I made sure to sit next to Mark. Within moments, the discussion was off without introductions. The group quickly delved into deep and personal matters. The topic centered around the absence of fathers and specifically on the strained relationship that Mitch, an inmate in the circle, had with his father. I sat there silent as the discussion developed around me. It was apparent that this group genuinely cared and was invested in supporting each other.  I was moved by this display of empathy and even resonated with many of the sentiments.

However, I felt a level of internal disconnect. As I listened to each inmate, I could not shake the nagging desire to know the reasons behind their incarceration, a question that dominated my thoughts during the session. I recognized that what was being shared was in many regards beautiful, but I did not let myself feel a part of it – rather, I remained distant.

Later, on our way home, I shared my consuming desire to know each inmate’s past actions. As Mariette so brilliantly does, she invited me into a reflective discussion. It was here that I realized that this “desire” to know what they had done was my subconscious way of intentionally welcoming disconnect within my relationship with the inmates. My subconscious desperately wanted to find stark differences between me and the inmates and, when the group discussion didn’t offer those differences, my subconscious created them.

This revelation shattered my lens of preconceived judgement.

With this new understanding of the barriers that I had created for myself, I revisited the conversations from earlier and found deeper connection and relatability to the prison residents. More importantly, I realized that, earlier that day, I had been sitting in a room surrounded by peers – individuals who were also on the journey of self-discovery.

I have gone back to Donovan three times in five weeks – excited to deepen my connection with my newfound peers. No longer concerned with the Donovan residents’ past deeds, I now embrace each individual for who they are in the present moment. Through Brilliance Inside, I've discovered a community that supports and guides me on my journey of self-discovery, bringing me closer to my own brilliance than ever before. I set out in search of a culture shock and, instead, I found a deeper connection to myself and the world around me.

Brilliance Inside helped me recognize how often we navigate new relationships guarded with preconceived judgements based on status, titles or prejudice and how these judgements create subconscious barriers that hinder genuine connection. It begs the question: which relationships in your life have not reached their full potential due to subconscious barriers?

You have a choice: As Will calls out, in many relationships including our dearest ones, we miss out on great gifts because we approach them with distance and caution, hidden behind walls and facades created by preconceived ideas. Stop missing out on these gifts and start claiming them! Who do you have to become to release these ideas, take down the walls so that you may connect with people more deeply and authentically?