Caring for others' hurt (and heal relationships)

After examining the truth behind the corollary - Healed people heal people - by looking at the ways and spaces I provide myself healing, we look at, in this forth video, how we can provide a space for others to heal.

Before jumping in, let’s realized that the corollary says “Healed people heal people.” Therefore, it starts with healing ourselves because we can give only what we have already received.

Yesterday, I told you that, when I’m hurting, I most need a hug. And from there, I’m able to heal that part of me which is hurting. Now, if this is true for me, it’s likely true for others. So, how can I provide this proverbial hug to those hurting around me?

Let’s be clear. I’m speaking of a proverbial hug. Because, while I most need a hug, this is not necessarily true for others. And I don’t recommend you start hugging all the strangers who are hurt.

When I provide to the other what their version of that “hug,” it provides the release and the rest that I felt in myself and I hope you’ve experienced for yourself. From there, the cycle of hurt and violence is reduced and ultimately, as we continue, is healed.

And yes, I have engaged with this with the prison residents. As difficult as it might have been at the beginning, I truly allowed myself to explore and identify with that part that was hurting. And then to experiment with what they need when they’re hurting. What is that proverbial hug we could provide? In prison, it’s definitely proverbial since we’re not allowed this physical contact.

I have seen - as difficult as it may be to fathom and to accept - these very hurt people who have hurt so many people become healed people who are healing countless people. From their kids, to other prison residents and correctional officers, to their communities, to our communities.

As mentioned in yesterday’s video, when I lash out at him, Pete comes over and gives me a hug. He’s recognizing the hurt that’s happening in me. Even though he likely wants to lash out in response to my anger, he puts that to the side and is able to give me a hug…which is super courageous!

He meets me where I’m at and provides me with the hug that I need so that I can release my hurt, so that it no longer hurts us. And the fact of the matter is that our engagements and our times of hurt had decreased tremendously since we’ve put this into practice.

You also can have the courage to no longer respond from anger, hurt, frustration and rage and to now respond with care , support, peacefulness and love.

Invitation: When you recognize that another person is hurting, acknowledge that they are only aching to be recognized, seen and heard and cared for… dare I say loved. So, provide the needed support to this person, and watch this transform your relationships.

This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.