The greatest Christmas gift

After two stunning first Tuesdays in our Donovan circles, a recent volunteer asked, “How can I help?”  The residents answered:  “You already have.”

Like so many guests before her, she had a puzzled look that betrayed a “But I haven’t done anything” thought.

I suspect she was expecting responses like “Tell others what you’ve learned” (which she will do anyway), “Lobby politicians for greater rehabilitative change,” “Protest excessive sentencing,” “Write a book that gets into Oprah’s book club,” etc.  So many of us believe that the greatest help comes from action.  And that those actions have to be “big” and “influential.”

The Donovan folks’ actual response (paraphrased): “You already have.  You came here with open curiosity, interested in meeting us.  You have allowed yourself to see us for the human beings that we are.  You’ve had the courage to recognize and verbalize your unconscious, preconceived beliefs and then to release them.”

Think about the last time you were grieving the loss of a precious loved one.  What helped the most?  For most of us, it was the kind hug more than any words.  It was people sitting by our side, squeezing our hand, allowing us to cry on their shoulder, holding space while we travelled our rollercoaster of grief.  If we asked for any action, it often was help with the mundane: cooking, cleaning, getting flowers, returning phone calls, etc.

This importance of these actions we label as small is why, instead of celebrating our family Christmas on Christmas Eve like I’ve done since a child, I’ll be at Donovan next Tuesday (which is Christmas Eve).  And yes, I’ll also be there New Year’s Eve, the following Tuesday.

We’ll be sharing the most important gifts of all – presence, time, attention, care, belonging, togetherness.  With my presence on this important day, I’ll be saying “you matter.”

The greatest impact is usually in the “small.”

Remember this during this holiday season.

You have a choice:  As most of us get quite busy with actions of gift buying, tree decorating, holiday planning, house cleaning, family hosting, dinner preparing, etc., remember that, to all those you wish to bless, the greatest gift is your presence and your heart.  Take a deep breath.  Infuse all your actions of this priceless gift.