Showing appreciation one sign at a time by Zacharia Arteaga

Bold emphasis added.  All other emphasis, smiley faces, added capitals, etc. are original.

Nearly a month ago, I started to get burdened with what the news was showing.  A lot of protests, which I’m not against; but the ones done ungraciously and aggressively burdened me.

Burdened, I realized something needed to be done.  Something needed to either direct the flow of our demand on changing the police and racism and all the hate issues… Or something needed to create a new flow…

I’d soon discover it would be the latter in which I would be ambitiously taking head on.

I fought and fought internally… I decided “I’m going to do it.”

With segregated building, we went out for yard.  During this pandemic, I’ve been facilitating on our night yards, a night of worship.  When we come out altogether and fellowship, sing and group-style reflect through questions.

I used this opportunity to inform everybody [of my idea] and ask for support.  Rather than a protest, let’s gather with handmade signs in front of the program office and the gate and tell all the staff, medical, psych’s, C.O.’s, etc. “Thank you…You are Worthy!...You are Loved!...Don’t give up on us.”

I was laughed at that night… It hurt…. I individually ask our TEDx family, relaying our charismatic intent of sowing seeds of change!  I was heavily doubted, laughed by a few and told by one how “unbiblical” I was being.

Only my cellie – who’s part of our TEDx family – helped me.  By even then I think he felt obligated.   I’m kidding, he was totally free.

I scheduled it to happen in two weeks…. Surprisingly, I got a lot of support, and necessary conversations from people I least expected.  I eventually gathered a strong ten people…. Counting my cellie and I, twelve.

I was burdened with doubt but, for some reason [his brilliance!], I just kept moving.  I kept declaring over my heart, making louder my belief than the very doubt within me.

It was nearing shift change [when the highest number of staff and C.O.s are on the yard], we prayed and immediately caught the first nurse walking out.  I yelled “Thank you!” holding up my sign.  And then we all just came alive!  My cellie knocked on all the medical building windows, getting everyone’s attention.  We witnessed all the staff passing [outside the gate from] their [respective] yards stopping in disbelief as we went Crazy! Ha!

We witnessed nurses stop and tear up, C.O.s stop and tear up.  [The Captain] came out and took photos of us.  All the while, I maintained the grease in our gears.  While our sign holders were shouting praise and speaking faith over own prison, I was building them up as they’d weaken and exhausted.  It’s not every day you stand for two and a half hours straight, telling the prison staff “You are love and thank you.”

Oh!  By the way, if you build it, they will come!  We eventually go to nearly 40 people shouting praise to all the staff.  And, of those forty, were many of the people that doubted.  It was beautiful!!

It wasn’t their fault for doubting.  Instead, it was my responsibility to show them it’s okay to believe….  It’s okay to be bold.

I saw those doubters so happy, shouting praise and holding signs alongside us.  Even got in the pictures!    I dismissed the “in your face” attitude.”  Hallelujah….  I saw what my brilliance was made to be about…. That day more so than I ever had before.  I’m to help people believe… again.

I do not like pain, but I discover in pain, there’s ignition for passion.  I definitely do not want to thank anyone for doubting in me or not saying anything at all, which sometimes hurts just as much as saying the wrong thing… But, the spiral of my own insecurities [this] took me down showed me the real fight… The real change…

I want my brilliance to take me deeper in this real fight.  The fight to believe that change is possible.  And it can be done through you and me.

Sometimes, things don’t happen as we wish.  (Sound familiar, lately? ;-) ) We were hoping to share the first-person account of an inspiring story from Donovan.  We’re still waiting for approval so, for now, an abbreviated second-person account will have to do.  Because let’s face it.  We’re not going to let a “not yet” rain on any parade of celebration and honoring of the light that shines brightly in darkness.  Here it is…

One of our team members, who observed the depression and challenged mindset of many residents around him and within himself, decided to bring light into their now-even-more-confined environment.  At first, he struggled rallying implementation partners.  But the few who were in created the needed signs: “You are loved!”, “You are worthy!”, “Thank you for not forgetting us” to name a few.

On the selected day, at shift change – which maximized the number of correctional and medical staff coming and going on the yard – this small group of prison residents stood their designated distance away, held their signs up high and started shouting gratitude to all staff that walked out of or onto the yard.  At first, people didn’t know what to think.  They soon realized the prison residents were recognizing their – the staff’s – hard work to manage the delicate balance of the changing tides of Covid.

The raucous attracted more prison residents and the small group of gratitude givers grew to 40 residents!  (Knowing that social distancing limits the residents on the yard to only a small fraction of yard residents.)  The authors describing the event spoke of how touched the staff seemed to be.  The yard leadership came out to take photos.  The residents also noticed other Custody and staff walking beyond their yard gate to whom they shouted their gratitude.

One of those staff walking beyond the yard gate was the person to whom I sent this story for approval.  This person replied with, paraphrasing, “I remember that day!  It was great to see.”

We hope this second-hand account inspires almost as much as the first-hand ones.  The prison residents are regular examples of how they turn dark, even violent, situations into times of spreading more light, more dignity, more respect, more love.

May this inspiration move you into exploring what small or big way you can bring joy, gratitude or peace into a situation.

We heard back from our inside team!  Last week, we received the residents' responses to the first packet of materials that we sent into Donovan on July 15th.  The excitement about hearing from us, that we read in their letters, reflected our excitement of reaching out to them.  One letter started with "Hello to my second family!"  All expressed great joy in being reconnected.

This season has been rough inside prison with confinement, no visits, no visitors, no programs, the fear of Covid....  And yet, in the letters we received, we heard resilience, determination and positivity.  Two residents shared a deeply uplifting story - about how they brought light to Custody and staff - that we had hoped to share with you here but we're still waiting on administrative approval for public release.  We'll send it when it's approved!

One resident quoted James Allen with "Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him."  This quote and the residents' stories reflect one of the foundational principles of our Circles inside Donovan:  Every situation can be seen for its challenges and its opportunities.  Which lens are you using?

It's easy to see the doom and gloom; we're fed this day in and day out.  With a little time and practice, it does become just as easy to see the gifts and opportunities.  One story pops to mind.  A good friend thanks God for having caught Covid.  While no one in their right mind would wish Covid on themselves, it turns out that, thanks to Covid, he was able to be at his wife's bedside as she took her last breath.  His wife died of Covid.  And since this friend had also been admitted to the hospital with Covid, he was able to be by her side.  As some of you may unfortunately know, if he had not been sick AND admitted, his wife would have died alone.  For both of them, Covid was a gift.

How has Covid been a gift in your life?  We'd love to know and so would the Donovan residents with whom we'll share your stories.

The other day, I read a YouTube comment in which a person shared a very personal story of trauma.  There were well over 20 replies to this comment, filled with support and love.  There was also one person who had replied “really?”.  Instead of receiving and basking in the generous support of the 20+ positive replies, the commenter zeroed in on the one cryptic “really?” and attacked this person.  She to date has not replied to or engaged with any of the positive replies.

How often do we do the exact same thing?  We are surrounded by positive moments, actions and people.  But the instant that one detail – big or small – triggers us, we lose sight of all of the surrounding goodness.  We are hurt.  We get worked up.  And we create our own misery…. Ouch…. And yet, we all do it.

It’s so easy in these times to see the negative, especially considering the constant reminders the media and any trip to the grocery store provide.  Can we remind ourselves of the positives?

In every moment, we have a choice on what to focus.  As I learned from the residents inside (story in first video below), I choose to focus on hope and my surrounding goodness.

Donovan news

One source of joy is that four months – to the day! – after our last interaction inside Donovan, we sent our first program packet to our Donovan-based Brilliance Inside family.  We have revamped our offering to engage with the residents through written correspondence.  In this way, the team will finish the study guide to “Writing After Life” that they started in February.  In addition to the joy of finally interacting on a regular basis, this season offers an opportunity to create something new.  We’ll see what ideas the team comes back with…

Another hope-creating celebration:  Despite the wild spread of covid in many California prisons, Donovan had its first case only two weeks ago and still has only two cases.  Yes, only TWO cases of covid among 3800ish residents! It’s amazing since most Donovan residents have preexisting conditions.  Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers of protection and health on this space that houses so many highly vulnerable people.

Enjoy the many stories from inside prison walls – from our own to North Carolina’s death row – which you’ll find below.  Until next month, remember that – just like the residents – you are loved, and you matter.

“When nobody cares about you and the people who are supposed to care deliberated hurt you, it is hard to care about others.  And when you feel no connection to humanity, it becomes easy to lash out at it.”

Many of you heard these words at the 2018 TEDxDonovanCorrectional.  They – as well as the countless other residents’ stories – illustrate the downward spiral:  Initial abandonment and trauma fester into a disconnection from humanity which fuels the residents’ violent actions and criminal behavior.

For my Rotary Peace Fellowship earlier this year, I analyzed the structural, cultural and personal violence of our prison residents’ environment, starting in childhood.  It’s pervasive and continuous, before, during and after prison. (Discover the exert here.)

This disconnection from humanity doesn’t only explain criminal behavior.  It is also the underpinning of the systemic racism, patriarchy and discrimination of our society at large.  (If any are squirming in discomfort, please honor yourself by being with your feelings and read on.)

The current murders and protests have brought to the surface and placed in our faces the suppressed hurt and trauma.  When we look past our own hurt, we see that a lot of people, across the entire struggle, have been hurt, have felt degraded and wronged.  And a lot of those same people have taken hurtful action, as well as degraded and wronged another.  This is the cycle of hurt in which we’re stuck.  And as long as we continue to allow our past hurt to dictate our future actions, this vicious cycle deepens.

As much as prison taught us about disconnection from humanity, prison also unveiled that there exists another way.  The solution to healing our society’s cycle of violence is as simple as reconnecting with humanity.

More than our skin color and socioeconomics can separate us, in prison, we’re brought together by our common humanity, our desire to impact this world and our commitment to becoming even greater human beings than we already are.  We recognize that we're more powerful together than we are separate.

What can this do for society?

First, it creates the obvious healing and transformation of individuals.  Most of you on this list have personally experienced the ensuing peace, joy and laughter.

It also creates unimaginable results that most businesses or organizations can only dream of.  In only five months, the Core Team became the cohesive, innovative and engaged team that put on a TEDx event that was deemed perfection by its 100 outside attendees (as surveyed by TED; we received an NPS of unprecedented 100, for those who know the Net Promoter Score).

It snowballed into a cultural revolution.  Those of you at the 2017 TEDx event were witness to the Core Team's embrace during the Closing Circle, pictured above.  Yes, a spontaneous group hug among multi-racial tough guy prison residents in front of their peers!  Under usual circumstances, this multiracial expression can risk getting people seriously hurt. 

This extended to the prison yard.  When we started working together, the Core Team could not meet or even acknowledge each other on the yard.  A year later, they were meeting cross-racially.  Our team of multi-racial tough guys were even hugging ON the yard!  Talk about a yard-wide cultural transformation…

THIS is what reconnection to humanity enables.

And it’s not only about treating others with the dignity, respect and love each of us human beings deserve.  It transforms families.  It transforms businesses.  It transforms institutions.  It transforms culture.  It transforms policing and government.

To take a small step right now, recognize that YOU have the power to change the world and read the first heading below.  Just this morning, I called Jennifer Duffy, the SDPD 911 dispatcher who spoke in 2018 about “Interpreting Others’ Realities”, to listen.  You’ll be amazed at the healing you create simply with your ears.

If this message of reconnection with humanity resonates, hit reply and tell us what inspires you.

Over the past week, I’ve seen many lists offer actions to take to “combat racism.” These lists include many very important actions. Yet, many of them miss a foundational first step.

This first step is available to each of us right here, right now.  And it works in response to the current events, just as much as with your work colleagues, your spouse and kids at home, and dare I say yourself.

Sustainable powerful transformation stems from this first step.  And yet it’s often overlooked as insignificant, not powerful enough. 

This starting point is…

to listen.

Be curious, with openness and non-judgment, to all perspectives.

Create a space to hear what’s actually being said.

Enable what John Paul Lederach calls paradoxical curiosity, which “seeks something beyond what is visible, something that holds apparently contradictory and even violently opposed social energies together.”

In this type of deep listening, there is no need to fix.  No place for condemnation or guilt about yourself or other.

In our action-addicted world, this often doesn’t feel like enough.  But it is!!  Here’s why.

• People crave to be heard.  I cannot speak for the looters, but I’m going to venture a guess that most of them are breaking because they’re tired of being silenced, ignored, deemed irrelevant.  By listening, we finally give them a space to express themselves. From my prison experience, this replaces the need to express themselves by breaking

• By listening, we discern our accurate assumptions, perceptions and beliefs and those erroneous.  It molds the realities of our mind to better reflect the realities of our world.

• In listening, we learn the true needs of the other.  We’re able to probe behind the first expressed superficial need to get to the real core need, the underlying driver of behavior.

• Listening creates understanding, dialogue, relationship and therefore connection.  The other is no longer distant or separate.  My choices and decisions now include these people who used to be outside of my awareness

• Through listening, when we believe we got it, we listen some more to learn the deeper nuances, those that can make all the difference between success and failure

• From this deeper truth, when we do step into action, it becomes straightforward to alleviate or even undo the harm that was caused

Your action actually addresses the real problem.

With this deep curious listening, our anger – which used to fuel violence – now fuels our compassion.

This reconnects our humanity. Which in turn heals our society’s cycle of violence

Because once reconnected to humanity, it becomes nearly impossible to hurt another.

Invitation: Sit down with a loved one.  Commit to them that you’re going to listen without interruption.  Ask them to share a story when they felt discriminated.  Listen.  Fully.  And when they’re done, thank them for their courage in sharing.

This is part of a series. I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. In April, I provided a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Since then, these lessons have been weekly. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.

Quote from John Paul Lederach’s The Moral Imagination: The Art and Soul of Building Peace 

“I’m white. This is not my story.” Heard about the current protests over the killing of George Floyd.

As I see it, it’s this story - that it’s not our story - that underlies these protests. Some people feel separate from the current events, that the killing of George Floyd doesn’t affect them, that the protests aren’t about them, that this pain, hurt and anger expressed right now are not theirs, that they are separate from these.

I believe the exact opposite.

This IS our story!!!!! Regardless of how we define and label ourselves! It’s the story of our humanity.

In prison, the prison residents say “Our disconnection from humanity makes it easy to lash out at it.”

The events of Memorial Day weekend and since then are a result of our disconnection from humanity. People take actions thinking they are superior of another. They think that their thoughts, words and actions matter more than that of others.

Our disconnection from humanity is the problem that underlies our separation, our isolation and therefore the violence that exists towards one another.

The solution is simple: to reconnect with our humanity.

I go into maximum- and high-security prison, which houses a large number of black and brown men, who - if I generalize and stereotype - come from south central LA, dropped out of school, have addicted and abusive parents… They have not had the opportunities of a white woman with an Ivy League education and who calls several continents home. And yet, we’re able to connect, laugh at the lost in translation caused by our differences and recognize our similarities.

More than our skin color and socio-economic backgrounds can separate us, we’re brought together by our humanity, our love for each other and our commitment to becoming even greater human beings than we already are.

On my team, there are folks from different gangs who have vowed to kill each other. And yet they are able to see the humanity of the other person and to recognize that they are so much more powerful together than they are separate.

It’s time that we move past this disconnection from humanity. And move into recognizing that we are no different than the other person!

I am no different than that violent protester. I am no different than that peaceful protester.

I am no different than George Floyd. I am no different than that police officer.

How can I hold them in my heart? And recognize that they are a mirror to a part of me that I likely don’t like seeing?

How do I use this anger to fuel my compassion instead of my violence?

Invitation: Recognize the humanity in each of us. And this dissolves the disconnection from humanity. And it becomes impossible to lash out at others.

This is part of a series. I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. In April, I provided a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Since then, these lessons have been weekly. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.