• When things are tough, what do you turn to?

• When things are good, what do you turn to?

• When you need a break from your current life, what do you turn to?

What you turn to is your default. And it matters because our default often governs much of our overall wellbeing.

For prison residents, defaults are often alcohol, drugs and violence.

• When things are tough, they drink away problems

• When things are good, they celebrate with drinks

• When they need a break from life, they grab a drink

Negative defaults can also be need for control, food, work…

• When things are tough —> “I have to work harder to get out of this slump”

• When things are good —> “I have to work harder to ride this great wave we’re on”

• When they need a break from life —> “I have to reply to clients’ emails”

We have countless stories of prison residents recognizing their defaults and moving to more constructive defaults. Arguably, anyone we have the pleasure of engaging is in the process of shifting his or her default. One resident has a lifestyle of alcohol, drugs, women and partying as well as the criminal behaviors which supported this lifestyle. His default was his self and his hedonic needs.

One day, he realized this default was no longer serving him and he shifted it (almost overnight, might I add) towards service to others. Every time he felt the urge to fall back to his old default, he would catch himself and redirect this to his new behavior until it became his default.

• When things are tough, he has compassion for others

• When things are good, he celebrates by sharing the goodness with others

• When he needs a break from life, he takes the focus away from himself by turning it to others.

Many prison residents credit the mentorship of this man for transforming and even saving their lives. This change was possible because he shifted his default.

Yes, when our defaults become more positive, the rest of our lives follows suit and becomes more positive as well.

Invitation: Recognize your default. Ask yourself how well it serves you. If another default would serve you better, what is one step you can take today towards this new default?

This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.

Imagine living 24 hours a day with another human being in a 6'x8' space. This space may be smaller than your bathroom…

This is the reality of prison residents during lockdown, which can last a few days to several months. They say that a great contributor to their wellbeing during these times is ensuring that every day they have some dedicated personal space and time, uninterrupted and totally their own and truly alone. Even when their cellie is only 2 feet away.

Some may meditate, draw or paint, read, study, write letters to their families. What they do doesn’t matter. What does matter is that this space and time be honored and respected.

Invitation: Balance out all of the “together time” by creating alone time with individual personal space for each family member. Unstructured time that can be used any way needed by the person. Each of you will be a lot saner for it.

This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.

“I forget I’m in prison when we work together.”

We often hear this from the prison residents in our programs. That’s because, in our spaces, they focus and create something greater than themselves. It gives them purpose to galvanize their energy and creativity, and takes their attention off their confinement. They get to become more than prison residents, even if just for three hours a week.

Invitation: Take example on them and do a family project, creating something greater than yourselves. Inspiration is in the video.

This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.

Yesterday, you learned to set, agree upon and commit to agreements. Today, we discuss honoring and maintaining those agreements, holding yourselves accountable to them. By doing so, you treat yourself with the respect you deserve and ensure others do so as well. And this creates a space that's more peaceful, more creative, more innovative and more productive.

Here again, I turn to the prison residents for inspiration. In our spaces, we set and live up to a very high bar of agreements and commitments, such as

• We speak only from a place of dignity and respect

• We listen to everyone, without interruptions (difficult in prison!)

• We build on each other’s ideas, leveraging the improv concept of “yes, and”

• We have zero tolerance for blaming, condemning and shaming

These seem obvious on paper. But try putting them into practice. Particularly when it’s among a group of dudes who have responded to most events by pulling out a gun.

In our spaces, when someone breaks an agreement in our spaces, we respond instantly. We pause our activity to create the space for conversation. What happens next varies on the situation. In one way or another, we often create space for the person who broke the agreement to explain if he or she finds it necessary. Instead of blaming, condemning, questioning or rebutting, we listen.

When a person feels truly heard, they talk themselves into the realization of how they might have hurt someone else or themselves.

This conversation is often quick and ends with a recognition of the hurt created and even an apology. Which is huge when most folks have lived most of their lives with an attitude of “I’m right; you’re wrong.”

Within a few short weeks - knowing that we’re only together 3 hours/week - the prison residents themselves uphold and maintain the agreements, are holding each other accountable, creating the said time out and holding the space for conversation. They do so because they’ve tasted at the sense of power, creativity, innovation, collaboration and sense of team that is created.

It takes courage and humility. And maybe some trial and error.

As you hold yourself and others accountable to the agreements, you receive the respect and dignity that you deserve. That’s the point. You deserve to be treated with the dignity and respect you wish for. This comes because you hold yourself and others accountable

Invitation: Treat yourself with the respect you deserve by holding yourself and others around you accountable to the agreements you set with yesterday’s lesson. You’ll also discover the camaraderie, peacefulness, creativity and productivity this produces.

This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.

Co-created agreements - committed to by each member of our team - create the safe spaces that in turn allow for the creative and innovative expression that then becomes the memorable and magical experiences we co-create, like TEDx events.

Your turn for your household to become a space of creative productivity. Set those agreements together and see home life blossom.

In the video, you’ll find tips on how to co-create this set of agreements and ensuring they allow each household member to thrive, inspired by the prison residents in our Circles.

Invitation: Commit to a set of agreements for your entire household and see how it supports each person’s wholeness and health.

This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.

One idea unites most people in prison: one day, to walk the street freely.

One idea unites us during this season of confinement: to emerge from this season healthy and in wellbeing.

We watch the prison residents come together in their unique ways to support each other towards their common - and non mutually exclusive - goal of becoming free citizens. We can do the same. in our society. And in our homes.

As Billy says in his “Rediscovering Hope Through Self-Forgiveness” talk from TEDxDonovanCorrectional 2017 (with 48K views!) : “Never look down on anyone unless you’re helping them up.”

Invitation: When you find yourself looking down at someone, have it be with the intention of raising them up.

This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.

Weddings. Funerals. Graduations. Birthdays. Holidays (like last weekend’s Easter and Passover). Life's milestones still happen, even while we're confined.

A year and a half ago, I attended a funeral without being able to attend it, thanks to the inspiration of a prison resident's creative solution. It’s one of my favorite memories of my life.

Your milestones while confined could be remembered with sadness of what was not. Or could become the fondest memories for what they became.

Your turn! Become creative to ensure your milestone events become even more memorable than they would have been following traditional protocol

Invitation: How are you going to craft an experience that is truly memorable for you?

This is part of a series. You see, on April 1st, I realized that I have a unique perspective into confinement thanks to my past 4.5 years engaging several times a week with the world's leading experts on confinement: prison residents. For the month of April, I will provide a daily lesson learned in prison that will hopefully help us to survive and even thrive while confined to our homes. Go forward and back to enjoy each daily lesson.